Stuff Happens
by Way Worse Than Scottish
Summary: Sirius' misadventure in 3rd year Hogwarts, involving many angry ladies. Warning: no slash, but a lot of swearing.


So this is a one-shot, marauder's era.. basically i was bored and wanted to write a HP fic. All spelling mistakes are my fault, sorry, but i'm on my aunt's laptop and her word processor is so old there is no auto-correct.

Sirius pulled open his closet doors angrily to find a house elf hidden inside. "Kreacher!," Sirius yelled, "Go away! Leave! Get out! Stop nosing around!"

Kreacher had been searching Sirius' room for incriminating evidence, by orders of Master Regulus, though really Kreacher didn't mind, he hated Sirius the blood traitor. He had found a variety of things in the bedroom, including plans for a new prank, and a few secretive letters from his Mudblood girlfriends. "Yes Master Sirius," Kreacher hissed, bowing down sarcastically, then dissaparated from the room.

Sirius sat down at this desk and decided to write a few letter, his multiple girlfriends had been worried at the lack of contact. Sirius brushed his long dark curly hair out of his eyes, he had been growing it out to irritate his parents. So far he had two Slytherin, one Ravenclaw, two Hufflepuffs, and seven Gryffindor girls waiting for his response to their letters. What they didn't know wouldn't hurt them. Besides, Sirius had specifically warned them that he was only going to break their hearts and he only wanted a casual relationship. Sirius took out his quill and parchment and began to write.

_Hello Cupcake,_

_Just writing to let you know how much I miss you. It's been ages since we last saw eachother, but my parents won't let me out of the house. They caught me writing to you so I had to write this in the dark whilst they were sleeping. Please don't write back, they're intercepting my mail._

_I can't wait to see you again, my sweet._

_Love always,_

_Sirius_

After writing that disgustingly romantic letter, Sirius copied it 11 times and gave them to the owl that he had rented for the week.

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Sirius boarded the train, glancing secretly at his girlfriends. His friends had always thought he moved quickly from girl to girl, but really he never let any of them go, unless they were too overbearing. He came to the compartment containing the other Marauders, doing a secret handshake with James as greeting. They chatted for a few minutes, catching up on what the other did over the summer, with Remus claiming "nothing" and Wormtail completely silent.

One of Sirius' Gryffindor girlfriends, Emma, Sirius thought, came by and sat on Sirius' lap. "Hey cupcake," he said. "Do you mind letting me be with my Marauders, then we can see eachother privately later? You know I don't like public displays of affection." She giggled, and flounced out of the compartment. "Bless." Sirius said.

"That's a new one, Sirius," James stated. "What happened to...er... the other one?"

"Yeah, it didn't really work out... but this one is great! Her name is... um... well we don't really talk much."

Suddenly, another girl, this time a Ravenclaw came in. "Who was that girl Sirius?" she demanded.

"Cupcake, darling, it's one of the Gryffindors who have a crush on... Remus!" Sirius claimed. "Yeah, Remus! She tends to hang around us, but ol' Moony here is too shy! I'm sorry I've been a bit busy, my sweet, but later we can be together in private, okay?" The Ravenclaw girl smiled, satisfied with the answer. She left the Marauders, who were all staring accusingly at Sirius.

"Really, mate? Two girlfriends? Are you serious?" James questionned.

"I always am," Sirius quipped. Remus and James groaned, exasperated. Remus then quit the conversation, hiding between the covers of a book. Wormtail was never even in the conversation to begin with, snacking indelicately on chocolate frogs, content to simply be in the presence of the others.

Just then, two Slytherin girls came in, looking ready to murder Sirius Black. "So you're dating both of us?" one of them screeched.

Sirius cringed. "Hey, ladies, I said it was casual!" Unfortunately that pathetic excuse didn't stop them from doing underage magic to amplify their voices telling everyone Sirius had cheated on both of them. "Bloody hell!" Sirius swore. A gaggle of teenage girls from all the houses came to the compartment looking devastated and heartbroken, but very angry. "Bloody shit fucking crap Merlin's bollocks!"

James smirked and saing into Sirius' ear, "You're so screwed!"

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"And that, Harry, is why you should only ever have one girlfriend at a time," Sirius told his baby godson. Harry looked up at him with wide startlingly green eyes. It looked as though he was about to say his first words, and with a look of utter concentration Harry... farted.

"Good job, Harry! You're already pulling pranks!" Sirius picked him up and swirled him around, the baby Harry giggling. Sirius then got a wiff of his diaper. "Ew... okay. LILY!" he yelled. "HARRY NEEDS YOU! I GOTTA GO! BYE!" Sirius handed the smelly baby to the panicking mother and disssaparated. Lily looked at the dazed Harry in her arms. She sighed. Typical Sirius. As soon as the gross stuff becomes involved, he runs off with the speed of Snape encountering shampoo. Lily sighed again, regretful of her actions against her once best friend, then all of a sudden became angry again. Some grudges never go away.

Moral of the story? Shit happens.


End file.
